User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Life is Strange vs Stranger Things
uhhh hi??? funny story. so i was super off-and-on about posting this or not, bc 1. didnt really want to make a comeback here, and 2. its honestly not my best work. i wrote it entirely for fun, under stress, at an unreasonable hour of the night. still, i decided to bc 1. i felt bad for not ever giving a proper goodbye, and 2. today was the release of the official Before the Storm launch trailer, complimented by the Stranger Things Season 2 trailer being not too far behind it. the eclipse being today also kinda solidified it if you know your lis lore lol. tldr, my roommate got netflix so i was able to watch stranger things, i loved it, i wanted to do one last battle and inspiration struck and somehow this happened. i hope you all enjoy. don't worry, my reign of cynicism and identity crises is still over. i just wanted to post one last battle. The run-away telekinetic of Project MKUltra residing in Hawkins, Indiana, test subject 011, from the hit Netflix miniseries “''Stranger Things''” has a chance encounter with the small town chrononaut of Blackwell Academy from Arcadia Bay, Oregon, Max Caulfield from DONTNOD’s interactive drama “''Life is Strange''” in a truly “strange” match-up of unexplained powers, nosebleeds, sketchy underground operations, missing kids, photographers, waffles, and… mother’s named Joyce. Spoilers. tk, do a better battle with a stranger things character before hav ends. o/ Legend Eleven in pastel blue. Max Caulfield in pastel pink. Mike Wheeler in light brown. Lucas Sinclair in bright green. Dustin Henderson in bright yellow. Warren Graham in turd brown. (yes, warren is in this.) Chloe Price in sky blue. Steve Harrington in Steve orange. (cameo) The Battle Eleven: (0:10) Maxine. You’ve seen bad things. In a bad place, all tied up. Now you’re in a bind. Like a van, I’ll flip you… right-side up. Only when it’s good for the plot can you rewind time. So ask Papa if you really want a piece of my mind. Max Caulfield: (0:21) Do you always talk like that? Y’know, like an LSD addict? I guess the handicap cash was being put towards English classes. I’m a badass with a gun, overthrowing tracks like trains, And you’re the doe I’ll pull the trigger on. I’ll stay, but you should go, Jane. Mike, Lucas, Dustin, Eleven: (0:31) Guys! I found El with some photographer. Get over here and help me! Over. I see her. She’s like Jonathan, if he only took stupid selfies. Over. And was preppy, but stayed in an even more decrepit house, Over. Let’s wrack hell at Blackwell. Over and out. Where better, than a campus full of moody teens, to find our salt deposit? Our rhymes sting like swords of Lord of the Rings! Technically, it's from the Hobbit. Okay, who asked? Listing out her game’s inaccuracies could take me weeks, So make like Kate and escape to the lake, before you lose your baby teeth! (Eleven is snapped out of the Upside Down and wakes up in Hawkin's Middle School's Gym, alongside her friends. Mike notices, and stops to help her up.) (...Mike?) We know you got super powers, but we'll still piss you off, Steal the song like comic-con, while like Nathan, you'll end up written off! We’ll swap you for a better challenge, man, I wish Rachel was here. Serve this subservient a cervicide, headlights on a deer. Pretty. Which this won’t be! For a flat mocap with no emojis, Friend. Who can’t help hiding her nosebleeds for her precious gal pal, Chloe! Watch. You’ve got all the time in the world to find out how strong, Promise. ‘Cause Eleven’s win is something you can count on! Max & Warren: (1:14) Call up Mr. Clark, but even he’s in the dark of this unexpected eclipse, The only way you’re on top is if we see it through a broken compass! If you want to rag on my time travel, it’s the palm you’ll have to talk to. Back in action with my partner in crime, yo, mind if I drive-in a shot or two? >STOP WARREN >'STAY OUT OF IT' Tell fatty to forego the second sandwich, here’s something to Demagorge on, A whole flask of potassium added to these raps! Let’s build a couple more bombs, And drop ‘em on the brats the whole school is laughing at, Blasted into glass and smash ‘em flat. You’re the gnats and we’re the acrobats! Instead of tackling a madder Max, give your actions forethought, Like when an entrance closes, a window opens. But keep this curiosity door locked! Else your campaign’s getting ended by a warlock when I go ape, You’ve got a point, so where’s the barb? Without a will, there’s no way! Mike, Lucas, Dustin, Eleven: (1:45) He knows D&D! But no double d’s, with those tits! Ew! Get out of here, dude! Focus. Let’s fireball the nosey bitch! No, we’d better take the defensive. Cast a protection spell for safety. Guys, let’s let Eleven have a try. She’s our friend, but she’s crazy! El? The views are priceless in Arcadia Bay. There’s a shovel in the shed. So you can bury your gays. The more you tried to save people, the more of them were killed. Whoa! What the shit, El?! Best guess is, Netflix has no chill. Your fifth episode died, the chief stopped by the morgue and cut it up, To find it full of filler, budget cuts, and lovey-dovey fluff! A film’s a little piece of time. I guess a game can keep on dragging. Can Season Two continue without you? Stranger Things have happened. Mouth breather. (Sticking out her palm, Max rewinds back before the previous two verses.) Max & Chloe: (2:27) If you want to rag on my time travel, it’s the palm you’ll have to talk to. Back in action with my partner in rhyme, Yo, Max, mind if I- >'STOP WARREN' >STAY OUT OF IT no not you. Chlo’! What? No, Maxi, we’ve got better things to do. Like we’re really pressed for time. Wise-ass. C’mon, I double dare you! Ugh. Better hunt for pudding then, ‘fore we send ‘em off to the scrap yard. ‘Cause these c nts are about to eat shit. That’s a dollar for the swear jar! The forecast is hella more drab for Elliot and his everyday weirdo, We’re calling for an E6 that’ll knock Eleven back down to zero! You’re too thirsty, kid, but our storms got you feeling under the weather, We’re together forever. Your chances vanished in the third trimester. Here’s the plan; You go strike Michael’s bike and I’ll shag his sis. What the fuck no. What can I say? Like the gate, I’m a magnet for chicks! Past your bedtimes, but it’s lights out even when Will is talkin’, I’ll leave these science geeks hooked on IVs and call it Stephen Hawkins. Your sexuality jokes are as hard-hitting as wrist rockets, The way I see it, only one of us here is still confined within closets. Outro Who won? Stranger Things Life is Strange Category:Blog posts